[Best of] Week 23.21 You Can't Read Your Label
Thoughts on how hard it is to know yourself, how others can be helpful and how important it is to help others.
For a large part of my career, I was a brand strategist working with companies large and small to understand the company's essence and express that idea in brand mission, vision, values, and, in later years, purpose. I listened to as many voices of the company as possible. I heard from the founders, either in person or through archives. I listened to what the customers thought of the company. Then I would synthesize the information to find the points of commonality, and the voice of the crowd revealed the truth. And then, I would simplify what I heard into a phrase that rang true to everyone. It is my superpower.
When I turned my attention to executive coaching and leadership, I noticed that leaders, like companies, often could not describe themselves with precision. They could talk about what they could achieve, plans, and their futures. Sometimes they would talk about their strengths; inevitably, they had it somewhat correct but were off the mark. Often it was an expression of what they wanted to be. Perhaps it was something they were told when they were growing up, and it was self-reinforcing.
People are complicated. We have dreams and aspirations. We have histories from which we create stories that we tell ourselves about who we are. We hear people praise or criticize us, and through the filter of who we think we are, we adjust. And after a while, we, like those companies I used to work for, are too close to ourselves to know who we are. Getting clarity on who you are is critical to success, productivity, and happiness. The ambition should be to understand who you are and live that understanding in as many aspects of your life as possible. As I like to say, the jam can't read the label on the jar.
There are many titles for this idea of knowing who you are, such as your personal brand and your purpose. I want to bypass a label because they are all slightly misleading, even though they refer to the same thing. The only thing that matters is whether the description rings true for you. Is it actionable in a way that can guide the decisions you make? Does it limit you in some ways and expand your potential in others.
The same superpower I had for companies also applies to people. Here is what I do. I listen to the person speak about themself, hear their history, highlights, failures, what they are proud of, and sometimes what they would rather not reveal. What they choose to say is up to them. My role is to listen without attachment or judgment. I am simply listening for the ideas that repeat, line up and create harmonic resonance. I am patient, and my questions are only for more or deeper information. As they speak, the essence of what they are saying becomes clearer. Soon, what they are saying creates a more nuanced expression and allows me to refine the simple reveal of who they are at that moment. When they hear it, they generally light up in agreement, are relaxed and relieved, and start telling me how this clarifies what they plan to do next.
It is harder to do this for people I know well because I have too much information to hear the signal from noise. It is impossible to do for myself. In life and leadership, it is critical for us to know who we are and to understand the essence of the people we lead and love. In seeing them for who they are and listening to them without judgment or attachment, we can more faithfully support them in achieving their life's goals and objectives. We can help them find the right place for them, which will inevitably be the place that is right for the companies we lead and us.
And most importantly, we need to have the humility to recognize that it is tough to see ourselves clearly. Then we need to listen intently and seek feedback. We need external, impartial experts to help us see ourselves more fully. We can and will change over time. And as we do, we will need to go back to our trusted, impartial experts to get clarity on what we care about. Because no matter how hard you try, it is difficult to read your label.
Agility In Basketball: An Interview With 2x NBA Champion Zaza Pachulia by Ruth Gotian,
All the to-do lists, spreadsheets, coaches, and strategy sessions will not help you seamlessly deal with the inevitable–change. It happens when you least expect or want it. It upends your routines, hurls you out of your comfort zone, and brashly forces you to adapt. Change becomes your constant companion as you learn to navigate the turns and pivots of your professional and personal lives. Nobody knows this better than two-time NBA champion Zaza Pachulia.
His impact on basketball goes far beyond the NBA. He developed a basketball academy for kids in his home country of Georgia, where he shares his love of the game with thousands of kids. Zaza Pachulia’s journey from Georgia to the NBA is paved with hard work, focus, sheer determination, and the ability to adapt routinely. He never dwells on the problem; instead, he searches for a solution. His legacy and optimism continue to inspire generations of athletes worldwide.
Reflections on Management: The Art of Being a Chameleon by Dean Miles
In the intricate dance of leadership, managers often find themselves in a unique and challenging position: the need to be a chameleon, effortlessly adapting to every environment, team, and situation. The chameleon, a creature renowned for its remarkable ability to change its colors based on its surroundings, is an apt metaphor for the role managers often find themselves playing. We must often shift our styles, approaches, and language to blend seamlessly into the diverse contexts we navigate daily.
The most effective leaders are those who balance adaptability with authenticity, navigating the ever-changing landscapes of their roles while staying true to their values and principles. So here's to all the chameleon managers out there, adapting, learning, and leading. Remember, your ability to change colors doesn't take away from who you are; it simply highlights the spectrum of your capabilities.
How to Make Sense of Conflicting Feedback on Your Leadership by Ron Carucci
Deeply self-aware leaders question their assumptions before choosing any approach, no matter how proven. Leaders with deeper insecurities like Mark spend so much time unconsciously grappling with the chatter in their heads that they leave little room to be mindful about what’s happening right in front of them. It takes mental discipline and practice to silence that chatter and focus on the situation at hand, carefully determining what that situation is asking of you.
If you find yourself at the crossroads of widely divergent feedback, approach the conflicting messages with curiosity instead of resisting them. Those messages may be inviting you to a stronger, healthier version of yourself if you can get to the bottom of what’s behind them. Start by assuming that the conflict isn’t within the data, but more likely within yourself.
With love and gratitude, Scott