[Best of] Week 23.44 The Present

I am remembering a weekend last September when I had the luxury of going to a mindfulness retreat in the Connecticut woods to explore how to live in relationship with ourselves, each other, and the planet. It was an eclectically curated group that included musicians, artists, entrepreneurs, teachers, and coaches. I met Alex, a retired professional athlete who is now an elite trainer of executives' mental toughness. Alex shared a powerful framing. His delivery, definitive and assertive, reminded me of other athletes whose mental toughness was forged from a difficult childhood and the crucible of professional sport. Anxiety comes from fear associated with living in the undetermined future and depression comes from fear associated with living in the unchanging past. We find our fullest selves when we live in the present. 

Kathryn Schulz defines regret as "the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past." But it is important to remember that we cannot change what has already happened, and dwelling on it does not help us move forward. We can derive some meaning from the past by reframing it from something we regret to a lesson we learned. We can find gratitude for what we have learned from our past experiences and use that wisdom to make better decisions in the future. 

The future is a direction, not a destination. We often have a false sense of certainty about what will happen in the future, but we rarely know. This can cause a lot of stress and anxiety since we are worried about situations that may never come to pass. It seems like society has trained us to be goal seekers; as Marshall says, “the great western disease is ‘I will be happy when…’” In the process of trying to get the best grades, win a trophy as best athlete, get into the best schools, and get hired for the best jobs, we are taught to set goals, work hard, and derive self-worth in achieving the outcome. Of course, there are also many other people seeking those same outcomes, and there are circumstances beyond our control in determining who ends up on top. When we are too focused on the outcome, we lose our ability to adapt to the inevitable obstacles and opportunities that arise as we progress and we give undue power and reverence to things over which we have no control.

The present is where life happens. In the present, we make the best choices we can as we learn from the past and establish our goals without clinging to the outcomes. Chasing outcomes carries a false promise that the result we seek is in our best interest and will result in maximum happiness. When we live in the present, we are able to enjoy the moment and appreciate all that is happening around us. We are also better able to make decisions since we have all the information we need at the time. This can be difficult when stress or anxiety gets in the way, but it is worth trying to stay in the present as much as possible, accept things as they are, and choose happiness regardless of the outcome.

Life and leadership in the fifth dimension focuses on relationships over transactions, which is where life becomes much more meaningful. Transactions involve doing something for someone else in order to get something in return while relationships involve giving value to others simply because they exist. In other words, when we focus on relationships, we are not looking for ways to take advantage of others or use them for our own benefit. Instead, we want to connect with them and support them because they matter to us and add meaning and value to our lives. This way of living focuses on the present and on our relationships with ourselves, others, and the world around us. We live in the present, learn from the past, and we aim for the future. It is a more holistic approach that takes into account the interconnectedness of all things. When we live in the fifth dimension, we are able to see the world more clearly and find happiness and contentment in the realization that the present is a gift.

To Be More Agile, Be Coachable. Four Ways Leaders Become Coachable by Henna Inam

Our world and workplaces continue to disrupt. This can create stress within us and our teams. Stress amplifies resistance to change, when what we actually need is greater agility in this decade of disruption. In my book Wired for Disruption, I wrote about the five forms of agility that we need to learn and practice. While we cannot predict the future, we can participate in creating it through our practice of agility. The key to our growing our agility is opening ourselves up to become more coachable.

In their Wall Street Journal, best-selling authors of Becoming Coachable, Scott Osman, Jacquelyn Lane, and Marshall Goldsmith outline the four proven ways each of us can become more coachable. Becoming Coachable aims to demystify coaching and provide anyone with the right mindset and tools to leverage coaching fully. The book can support your coaching journey or perhaps be your first coach. It emphasizes the importance of coachability in achieving results. It shares insight into the attitude and actions that enable being coachable. The journey of coachability begins with an open mind and heart and leads to the flourishing of your business, teams, and all of those you lead and love. Readers can learn more by visiting www.becomingcoachable.com.

How to Connect Employees to Your Company’s Purpose by Hubert Joly

We know making a noble corporate purpose — that is, one aimed at doing something good in the world — come to life is both important and hard. Emerging practices from leading companies show that the journey is not about top-down messaging. If anything, it’s about inside-out and bottom-up dialogue, as this is how we human beings can ultimately connect with a broader mission. Over the last several years, the author has studied this in several ways — first as CEO of Best Buy, and since then by studying and working with multiple companies and their leaders on their journeys to put purpose to work and unleash what he calls “human magic.” He shares several important lessons from leading companies.

The Extreme Question Challenge by Liz Wiseman

Taking the Extreme Question Challenge may seem abrupt or strange, but it’s a useful exercise for disrupting bad habits.If you have young children, try speaking to them only in the form of questions. When it gets close to bedtime, instead of saying “It’s bedtime,” try asking, “What time is it?” or “What do we do when it’s bedtime?”At work, instead of leading a meeting with your ideas, try asking questions to get a sense of what others are thinking first. This exercise is not intended to replace your current approach completely. Once you’ve developed a greater ability and tendency to lead through questions, you can establish an appropriate balance between inquiry and advocacy.#Multipliers #ImpactPlayers #Questions #Leadership

With love, gratitude, and wonder.

Scott