Week 23.34 On Gratitude

Aug 23, 2023

Mid-August to mid-September is my favorite time of the year. It is the time of transition from the summer into fall, the liminal shift that began with spring and will end with winter. In the time of changing seasons I recognize the impermanence of all things. I look back on the joys of spring blossom and summer warmth and look forward to fall’s bounty and winter's tranquility. And while it is so easy to look forward to what is coming and backward to what has passed, the most gratifying gaze is observing the transition of each day, perhaps even each moment as I cherish the passing of time and enjoy the richness of a moment. In the midst of this luxurious space, I independently received two messages from friends this week that reminded me to be grateful for each moment. So in the lazy, quiet days of late summer before we jump into the rush of the fall and the frenzy of the holidays, I offer the following for your contemplative pleasure.

From Chester Elton: "A dear friend of mine passed away yesterday. He was a true friend in every sense of friendship. Kind, caring, more than just a friend, a mentor. He made me a better person, always encouraging me to do more and be more. And he was forgiving. I will miss him terribly. In looking for comfort with another dear friend, he said to me… 'The weight and the blessing of friendship is exposed in its passing.' Never miss the chance to tell your friends how much they mean to you and how much you love them. They could be gone in a second. Make today that day. I hope you know how much your friendship means to me. I love you, Scott. You have been such a force for good in my life. Thank you."

From Srikumar Rao: "There is an ancient saying attributed to Lao Tzu that did not make much sense to me when I first heard it. I knew it had truth embedded in it, so I filed it away. I could not understand it, but I sensed that there was great value in it. Now I understand what a priceless gem it is. Curious? The saying is: 'The day you stop traveling is the day you arrive.' Think about your entire life. Think about today. Think about everything you do, everything you have done and everything you are going to do. Every day, every minute of every day, you are always doing something en-route to doing something else that will – you hope – get you to some state that you desire. Every day, every minute of every day, you are always doing something en-route to doing something else that will – you hope – get you to some state that you desire. You are always traveling. The destination is always over the horizon. You have lost the ability to just be. Remember, the purpose of washing dishes is not to get them clean. The purpose of washing dishes is to wash the dishes. A by-product is that they become clean. Now I understand that the day I stop traveling is the day I arrive."

My two friends are reminders that each day is our only day, that our relationships are too important to overlook, and that we flourish when we find gratitude in the every day. It feels like the appropriate reminder for this end-of-summer post, a quiet whisper that could be easily overlooked, and just as easily become that still-small message that inspires you as you prepare for the next season. As we have been working on our book, Becoming Coachable, we have done a great deal of introspection, which has led to a deepening belief that our role as leaders is to create flourishing for all those we lead and love. We see this in the coaching we do where the highest performing leaders inspire love rather than fear, and passion rather than obligation. As you ease into the end of the summer, feeling the final breeze, the last walk in the sand, or simply finish the book's last page, take a moment to imagine leading with gratitude, living the moment, and loving and being loved in that order.

Congratulations to Dr. Taryn Marie Stejskal for her #1 Wall Street Journal Bestseller The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People!

Resilience is categorically misunderstood. It’s not merely about bouncing back, and it’s so much more than returning to where you began. True resilient “doing” allows us to capitalize on the inescapable challenges of life and become better than we were before.

Dr. Taryn Marie Stejskal began working with brain injury patients and found that most popular beliefs about human resilience are incorrect. Since then, for the last 20 years, she has conducted qualitative research on the power of resilience, studying the science behind why some people succeed while others fail. Here, Dr. Taryn Marie outlines the five critical behaviors that define successful resilience: Vulnerability, Productive Perseverance, Connection, Gratiosity (Gratitude and Generosity), and Possibility. Resilient People bounce forward, take an active approach to facing challenges, and most importantly, they are made, not born.

Dr. Taryn Marie’s empirically proven framework shows us how to develop resilience practices in our own lives—as adults, as parents, and across organizations—in a manner that allows us to be enhanced by our experiences, not diminished.

7 Steps To Shut Down A Colleague’s Monologue by Ruth Gotian, Ed.D., M.S.

Ever been caught off-guard by an insulting comment and wished for the perfect response? Sam Horn's book, "Talking on Eggshells," seeks to equip readers with a conversational toolbox for such situations. Instead of reacting with animosity, Horn emphasizes responding with understanding and compassion. Known for her apt phrases for every situation, Horn's book also gives strategies for managing long-winded individuals in the workplace. Horn offers seven steps to tactfully interrupt those who dominate conversations:

Achieve balance: If one person monopolizes the conversation, it creates imbalance. Intervene to restore equilibrium.
Say their name: Using a person's name can momentarily pause them, creating an opportunity for intervention.
Summarize what they said: This assures them they've been heard, making them less likely to continue at length.
Use wrap-up phrases: Phrases like "I wish I had more time to chat" softly indicate the conversation is concluding.
Finish with a friendly phrase: Conclude conversations with genuine remarks such as "I'm glad we had the chance."
Effective body language: Standing up or taking a step back, combined with maintaining eye contact, can diplomatically signal conversation's end.
State time constraints: Clearly mentioning upcoming commitments sets a clear endpoint.

In essence, "Talking on Eggshells" serves as an essential guide for effective, compassionate communication in the workplace.

Trusting the Instruments and Embracing the Blue Sky by Rhett Power

Rhett's vivid memory of his first flight through clouds as a fledgling pilot resurfaces, rekindling the nerve-wracking yet exhilarating experience. Amid a veil of white, visibility plummeted, igniting a whirlwind of emotions – a dance between fear and the allure of adventure. The moment of emergence from the cloud cover into the sunlight brought relief and a crucial lesson in trust. This aerial account finds resonance in leadership's complex terrain. The parallels drawn illustrate how leadership, akin to piloting, has its clouded moments – unforeseen challenges, uncharted territories, and intricate decisions that blur foresight. In these instances, a leader's path becomes enshrouded, relying on instincts, experience, and built trust.

Like a pilot leaning on instruments, leaders lean on their teams, strategies, and history to navigate. The narrative underscores that, though daunting, leadership's responsibility and pressure are opportunities for growth. Clouded phases test resolve, tempering it like steel. Just as the pilot emerged from clouds into a welcoming sky, leaders push through obscurity to clarity, fortified and wise. The analogy urges leaders to navigate uncertainties with trust and confidence, for beyond challenges lies the resplendent "blue sky" of achievement. In the symphony of leadership, both tranquil and turbulent skies compose the journey, with unwavering trust illuminating the way.